A Poem, of a Sort About Wheeler J. North

Written by Wheeler O. North

There once was a man named Whee,
Deep secrets he teased from the Sea
Off the boat he would jump
To the bottom he'd bump
And then he'd have a really good pee

He was born in the twenties of Mother Flossy
At the passage of his dear brother Rossie
The young lad went to heaven
At the age of one seven
And Sir Whee became the new little Bossy

His rule as a youth was very simple
With his hair cut short above his temples
Sweet lasses would gasp
When the young little rasp
Would twinkle his eyes with his dimples

But the thirties came in with a bang and a crash
Of liver failure his daddy did pass
When the dust settled roun'
From the Wall Street slowdown
The savings accounts of Dear Flossy were trash

But fortune would have the end of disaster
Dear sister Julia hooked a real nice bachelor
Uncle Wheeler of Old
Took them into his fold
And little young Whee turned a lad of school Thatcher

Into the forties came the War of the Great
When all the World was so full of hate
But me Dad and his Lads
Took a rusty old Cad
And thereby interned it in the dorm of their mate

Caltech was ever the land of the smart
Linus Pauling, Von Karman and Bart
But the story be told
Engineering got old

When the science of oceans had captured his heart
The sea it seemed had early crept in
Plants and animals were so hidden from men
With a shot at SIO
And another chance to grow
He took to his books and he rallied again

The fifties sailed by on a leeward tack
They started atop a hammer of Jack
The cliff it did slide
Along with his hide
And his back at the bottom was sorely cracked

Then he married a beautiful lassie
Two children were born pissy and sassy
His joy in the cribs
Had goop covered bibs
With plump little bellies so full of gassies

Darling young post docs went hithera and tithera
Onwards to Cambridge, and Eastern Bolivira
With money to spin
Caltech took him in
With a mission entitled Macrocystis pyrifera

The sixties brought us a boat built nocturnal
Deep in her timbres laid a heart of infernal
She rarely did float
Her bilges a moat
So he verily dubbed her The Great Green Urinal

The cash was a flowing when the seventies did end
The Feds were thoroughly looking to spend
Budgets were bloated
Gametes were loaded
And the Franciscanus got their booties smashed in

Our handsome hunk was so charming and gallant
His manuscripts were ever so salient
But the one little sin
Dearly parked below him
Was a rusty push button, crusty old Valiant

The eighties went by with a flash and a flourish
We held him up high and we dearly nourished
With his dimples a glow
And his heart at full flow
He reached out with his smile and to us he cherished

Then somewhere in the heart of this deal
Little young Whee had become an Old Wheel
His children had grown
The lasses had flown
And Lemon Chicken was his favorite meal

The wizened man in the nineties grew old
His apartments were ever so rotten with mold
Plug sockets did fill
The stairs, what a thrill
And the musty old Warehouse, she topped out her hold

But there at last the collecting was done
The purpuratus it seemed they had won
The kelp was aghast
When El Nino did blast
And his little white blood cells were not having fun

Finally he booted his last under grad
His chomping and walking had gotten so bad
Tampico was done
With a sore on his bun
But chilly sea water still made him feel glad

Streptococcus in his veins was a roaring
Another healing was so tedious and boring
The old man gave a sigh
And a long wave good bye
And he passed in his sleep while a dreamin' and snoring

I thank you for all my Friend and my Father
Surely I hope it wasn't a bother
Inside me you live
As the message you give
Is to Cherish the World as we would each other

Now I must end my story today
About a great man with the happiest way
For all us old farts
He'll live in our hearts
Until the wee little stars have gotten so gray